Facial boils

This morning I slept through the noisy alarm of my cellphone for probably about an hour without even once acknowledging it. It took my roommate pushing my door open to get the thing off and rouse me to waking.

It seems to me that just before I awoke was when I had a very interesting and enlightening dream.

Sometimes, when I am breathing into a pillow or my head is in an uncomfortable position during sleep, I have dreams in which I feel agitated or morose.

In this morning’s dream–some of the details have escaped me–I felt depressed. Despite my feeling down, I passively accepted that my mood was garbage and seemed to have some confidence that like in real life, the sadness would pass after a while.

Still, when I saw myself in a mirror, the right side of my face, extending down to my collar was covered in awful facial boils, small but numerous and with whiteheads. Staring at myself, I felt ashamed because I knew that the boils were from my state of mind rather than anything else. Like a symptom of depression such as a lack or abundance of appetite or lack of coordination, I saw the facial problems as caused by my mood.

Despite that the boils bothered me, I thought to myself that if I concentrated effort on them they would dissipate. I thought that I should start immediately on focusing my energies to get rid of them. A few times during the dream, I looked back at my face in the mirror and noticed that the boils were indeed disappearing gradually to the point that though they were noticeable, they only looked like acne.

When I woke up the dream lingered a bit. I was relieved that indeed my face was clear, but certainly distressed that I should have such a dream.

Hours later however, I’m actually a bit encouraged that I should have had such a dream. After all, before I went to bed last night, I did a visualization exercise in which I saw myself walking about a park feeling confident, assured and handsome. It was a brief exercise, but I did feel great. I felt calm and relaxed and attractive in a way I believe all people want to feel.

The dream tells me that indeed h0w we are feeling greatly affects the way we feel about our looks and appearance. It is hard to imagine how someone who is down in the dumps with self-centered thoughts of how bad their life is, could really feel that they are attractive.

In the dream, I clearly felt depressed and it showed up on my face. I haven’t felt  depressed  in a few years, and I know that when my face is in a pillow I have those types of dreams, but it is still relevant. How you feel about your life affects how you see yourself. Someone in distress probably seems himself the way Job likely did when God allowed his face to be covered in boils.

The better one can feel, the better he or she can see themselves and thus be free. It was not a pleasant dream, but certainly an insightful one.

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